How to Stop Self-Sabotaging and Finally Get Out of Your Own Way

We’ve all been there: setting goals, feeling excited about making changes, and then, somehow, finding ourselves back at square one... wondering why things didn’t work out.

Whether it’s weight loss, fitness, your career, or personal growth, self-sabotage has a sneaky way of creeping in and halting our progress.

Here’s the good news: you’re not alone, and you have the power to stop it.

Self-sabotage often comes down to our fears, doubts, and habits.

So, let’s dive into what it looks like, why we do it, and how you can make the changes to finally move forward.

What Does Self-Sabotage Look Like?

Self-sabotage can be subtle, showing up as small decisions that, over time, add up to a big block on your path. Here are some examples:

1. Procrastination: You set a goal, but then you keep putting off that first step. Or you put off finishing projects you started, promising you’ll do it “tomorrow” until it turns into “never.” Procrastination is often a way of avoiding fear, fear of failure or even fear of success.

2. Negative Self-Talk: Ever caught yourself thinking, “I’m just not good enough” or “I’ll never be able to do that”? This kind of thinking chips away at your confidence and makes it easy to quit before you even start.

3. Perfectionism: You aim so high that nothing you do seems good enough, so you don’t finish projects or take risks. In the end, perfectionism often leads to inaction because you’re afraid of producing something that’s not “perfect.”

4. Unhealthy Habits: You set goals to improve your health, but then you sabotage yourself by staying up too late, skipping workouts, or indulging in foods that make you feel worse. Sometimes, unhealthy habits provide comfort and almost serve as a crutch, keeping us from facing the discomfort of change.

5. Setting Unrealistic Goals: If your goals are too big or vague, they can feel overwhelming. Setting the bar too high can lead to frustration and make it easy to quit when you don’t see results as quickly as you’d hoped.

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

Understanding why you self-sabotage can help you break the cycle. Here are some common reasons:

Fear of Failure: When you fear you might fail, sometimes it feels “safer” to not try at all. If you don’t try, you won’t risk failing, but you also won’t move forward.

Fear of Success: Success can bring change and new expectations, which can definitely feel scary. If you’re afraid of success, you might unknowingly avoid the actions that would lead to it.

Comfort Zones: Change, even positive change, can feel uncomfortable. Self-sabotage often keeps us in our comfort zones, avoiding the discomfort of growth and new challenges.

Low Self-Esteem: If you don’t believe you’re worthy or capable of achieving your goals, you might subconsciously hold yourself back.

Avoiding Responsibility: With success comes responsibility, and sometimes the weight of that responsibility feels like too much to handle. So, we self-sabotage as a way of staying “safe” from those new expectations.

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging and Start Thriving

Now that we know what self-sabotage is and why we do it, let’s look at some steps to break free from it:

1. Start with Small, Achievable Goals: Instead of setting overwhelming goals like “lose 50 pounds” or “get promoted in six months,” break it down into smaller, achievable steps. For weight loss, aim to focus on something like drinking more water, eating breakfast regularly, or exercising as many days a week that fits within your schedule. Each small victory builds momentum and shows you that progress is possible.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself thinking, “I can’t do this” or “I’m not good enough,” stop and ask yourself if that’s really true. Replace these thoughts with something constructive, like, “I’m doing my best, and that’s good enough” or “I’m learning as I go.” Training your mind to be kinder to yourself can create a powerful shift in how you approach your goals.

3. Create a Plan for Dealing with Setbacks: It’s inevitable that you’ll face setbacks, it’s part of any journey. Instead of letting a setback derail you completely, create a plan for how you’ll respond! If you miss a workout, remind yourself that one missed day doesn’t completely derail your progress Get back on track with the next meal or the next workout.

4. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Perfectionism is one of the biggest barriers to success. Remember, no one achieves their goals perfectly. Progress is what counts. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory. Focus on moving forward rather than trying to be perfect. Progress over perfection, every time.

5. Practice Self-Compassion: Beating yourself up for every mistake only reinforces the cycle of self-sabotage. Instead, practice self-compassion. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s okay! What matters is your ability to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

6. Surround Yourself with Support: Share your goals with supportive friends, family, or a coach. Having people who believe in you and can offer encouragement when you’re struggling can make a huge difference. Surrounding yourself with positivity can keep you grounded and motivated.

7. Visualize Success: Sometimes, self-sabotage happens because we’re not truly connected to what success will feel like. Take a few moments each day to visualize how achieving your goals will feel. Imagine the energy, confidence, and pride that will come with reaching your milestones. Let that vision fuel your actions.

8. Be Patient with Yourself: Self-sabotage is often rooted in impatience. When we don’t see results quickly, it’s easy to get discouraged and give up. Remember that real, lasting change takes time. Be patient with yourself and the process. Celebrate each step you take toward your goal, no matter how small.

Remember: You Have the Power to Change

Self-sabotage doesn’t have to control your life. 

Yes, it will take time. 

Yes, it will take effort. 

But the results will be worth it, and you are worth the effort.

You deserve to see what’s possible when you stop getting in your own way.

So take a deep breath, get clear on what you truly want, and start making choices that serve that vision. 

You have the strength to break free from self-sabotage and create a life you’re proud of. 

Remember, we don’t quit.